The Greenwashing of War – CleanTechnica

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Or 47 ways to say the “w-word”

Over 13,000 kilometers (~8,500 miles) away from Washington and we here in the Philippines feel the effects of the White House’s war on Iran.

Oh! It’s that word! It’s that deplorable word — a banned word, in the same league as woke, trans, or diversity, equity, inclusion, gay, pedophile, or Epstein. The pains of that word, war (there it is again), reverberate not only in the lines at the fueling stations. It also makes us shiver at the dinner table (because there isn’t any dinner) or glee at the till in the grocery (because beer is now cheaper than gasoline) or contemplate as the electric bill arrives (sales of solar panels have increased 160× here since the start of the Iran “not-war”).

It is fascinating to realize how much greenwashing is being done on this war in Iran. The prepositions matter now more than ever, and depending who is telling the untruth, the prepositions change the tone. War with Iran. War in Iran. War for Iran, War on Iran. War by Iran. Only one word is truthful: war.

Because Good Friday is a time of reflection, I thought of reflecting on those biblical things that happened. Like the betrayal (30 pieces of silver could very well be $4.7 billion in crypto). And the denial (complete with roosters, or this time Foxes).

In this Holy Week, remember that this is to “get rid of some evil.” It is necessary that “we took a little excursion … a short-term excursion,” where “the lives of courageous American heroes may be lost…. But we’re doing this not for now. We’re doing this for the future. And it is a noble mission.”

But wait, POTUS did say the deplorable “w” word. In a phone interview with CBS News on March 9, President Trump said: “I think the war is very complete, pretty much… they have nothing left. There’s nothing left in a military sense.”

Operation Epic Fury sounds more like an Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) event. Imagine Bruce Buffer in his feisty tone and deep voice quoting Department of War Secretary Pete Hegseth: “They are toast and they know it, or at least soon enough they will know it. And we have only just begun to hunt, dismantle, demoralize, destroy and defeat their capabilities.”

Then imagine Buffer announcing in the ring, before a fight: “Our rules of engagement are bold, precise and designed to unleash American power, not shackle it. This was never meant to be a fair fight, and it is not a fair fight. We are punching them while they’re down, which is exactly how it should be.” That’s what Hegseth said at the Joint Chiefs Briefing on Operation Epic Fury on March 4.

What is happening now in the US has given rise to a linguistic masterclass in what Hegseth calls “bold, precise” communication. As President Trump noted in late March, people “don’t like the word ‘war’” because it triggers pesky things like the War Powers Act or the need for Congressional approval.

To assist the administration and their media component in their quest for accuracy, we have compiled a definitive list of 47 ways to describe the current situation that are definitely, absolutely, 100% not “war.”

If you find yourself accidentally using the “w-word,” please refer to this handy guide below to ensure your professional standing remains intact.

1. A little journey: A scenic route through Iranian airspace.

2. An excursion: Like a field trip, but with 2,000-pound GPS-guided souvenirs.

3. Systematic dismantling: Just taking the regime apart to see how it works (and not putting it back together).

4. Epic fury: More than a UBF battle, it’s a heavy metal concert.

5. Decisive mission: Because “war” sounds like it might not have a point; a “mission” always has a badge.

6. Eliminating the threat: A simple housekeeping chore, like killing mosquitoes, but for the global stage.

7. Not a fair fight: A UBF reel that reminds one of playing fair, and not “punching them while they’re down.”

8. Regime-adjacent change: The regime just happened to change while we were there.

9. Jujitsuing the Iranians: Using their own momentum to help them accidentally trip into total decimation.

10. Escalating to de-escalate: Lighting a fire to prove how good your extinguisher is.

11. Aggressive market correction: Re-valuing the Strait of Hormuz’s stability.

12. Kinetic diplomacy: When talking stops and the “talking” starts traveling at Mach 3.

13. Involuntary infrastructure renovation: Their power grid was outdated anyway.

14. Strategic narrowing of options: Removing all their choices until only “surrender” remains.

15. Unscheduled Navy retirement: Helping the Iranian fleet find a permanent home at the bottom of the ocean.

16. High-velocity conflict resolution: Solving disagreements at the speed of sound.

17. Proactive defense posturing: Attacking first so they don’t have to worry about attacking second.

18. A permanent ceasefire (one-sided): They ceased firing because they ran out of things to fire.

19. Atmospheric sovereignty audit: Checking if their radar actually works (it doesn’t).

20. Regional stabilization event: Creating a very stable, very quiet creator.

21. A non-consensual fireworks display: Great for the Fourth of July, even better for Tehran in February.

22. Ballistic feedback loop: Sending back their “malign behavior” in a much heavier format.

23. Rapid urban renewal (subterranean focus): Specifically targeting those hard-to-reach underground facilities.

24. A geopolitical reset button: It’s like unplugging the country and plugging it back in, but without the plugging back in part.

25. The great Persian parking lot project: Turning high-value targets into accessible flat surfaces.

26. Aggressive handshaking: Just with more metal and less skin contact.

27. A military “vibe check”: Seeing if the Ayatollah is still “about that life.”

28. External governance assistance: Helping them find new leaders because the old ones are currently “unavailable.”

29. Non-linear peace initiative: A peace plan where the peace starts after the explosions.

30. Intercontinental outreach program: Reaching out and touching someone with a Predator drone.

31. Mandatory secularization: Removing the “clerical” from “clerical errors.”

32. Thermal regime redistribution: Moving heat from our engines to their bunkers.

33. A heavy-metal engagement: More Metallica, less Munich Agreement.

34. The “stone age” heritage tour: President Trump’s plan to show them where they belong.

35. Extreme vetting (of missile silos): Making sure only the safest missiles remain (the ones that don’t exist).

36. Tactical un-aliving of assets: A very Gen Z way to say “we blew it up.”

37. A global security “glow-up”: Usually occurring right after a thermobaric detonation.

38. Unsolicited air support: We’re supporting their air with our bombs.

39. The “toast” protocol: As Hegseth says, “They are toast and they know it.”

40. Kinetic real estate appraisal: Seeing how much rubble is worth in the current market.

41. Synchronized global stability exercise: Everyone watches while we do the exercising.

42. Deep-tissue bunker massage: Relieving the tension in underground command centers.

43. A “signature achievement” in progress: It can’t be a war if it’s a legacy project.

44. Non-endless kinetic excursion: It’s only endless if you count the cleanup.

45. A strategic “whoopsie”: For when a drone accidentally hits something important.

46. Total decimation (but the friendly kind): The kind that leads to a “very good” outcome.

47. The ultimate deal: Because in the end, it’s just a high-stakes real estate negotiation where the previous tenants are being evicted.

As America approaches the midterm elections, we in the once-colony of the Philippines are watching closely. Very closely keeping one eye on the pumps as gas prices fluctuate, like a heartbeat on caffeine, and the the cost of pandesal is fluffier than the bread itself. For you in the mainland and connected territories (and Greenland is not included) remember: it’s not a war.

It’s just 47 different ways of saying we’re busy making history—one “little journey” at a time.